Dear Aunty: ‘My Besties Are Telling Me to Dump My Guy Over a Small Fight—What Should I Do?’

It is incredibly exhausting when the relationship you are trying so hard to build becomes the topic of discussion in everyone else’s WhatsApp group chats. You wrote to me saying that because of a recent misunderstanding over financial contributions for a friend’s wedding, your 'circle' has labeled your partner as stingy and is aggressively pushing you to serve him 'breakfast'.

My darling, my very first piece of advice to you is to guard your heart and protect your 'ship' from external noise. You see, every single relationship on this earth is uniquely designed. No two love stories carry the same DNA. The biggest mistake we make in this modern generation is taking the blueprint of another person's love life—which we often only see on Instagram or TikTok reels—and trying to force it onto our own partners. What works beautifully for your bestie might be an absolute disaster for you. When you constantly listen to external opinions and comparisons, you lose the ability to appreciate the genuine, quiet efforts of your partner.

Secondly, let us talk about these quarrels. In every relationship under the Nigerian sun, conflict is inevitable. There will be moments of 'gbas gbos', disagreements, and cold wars. This is completely normal! However, what is not healthy is your speed in dragging a third party into your domestic settlement. Once you open the door of your relationship to outsiders, you invite their biases, their past traumas, and their personal bitterness into your space. While you and your partner will eventually make up, kiss, and move on, those third parties will keep holding onto the grudge, forever looking at your man with a side-eye. Learn to settle your matters behind closed doors.

Take your time before you call your sister, your mother, or your best friends to complain. Talk to your partner with respect and empathy. If you must involve someone, let it be an objective mentor or a certified counselor who has no personal stakes in your life. Remember, at the end of the day, you are the one living in the house, not your group chat. Guard your peace of mind, stand firm in your conviction, and may God help us all as we navigate this crazy thing called love.